she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
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He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
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I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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