some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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