my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
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