How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
He is an equal opportunity slut.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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