Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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