you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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