While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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