just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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