a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
