I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Another day, another engagement, another cat
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Please don't give away my fajitas
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
