I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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