This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
