all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
