He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
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I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
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She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
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