i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
