If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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