I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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