this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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