I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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