Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
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