the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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