The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
