I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Randomize
