The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
