i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
