My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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