Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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