I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
the raccoons are back...
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