I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
