He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
