I wish I only lived at night.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
