i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize
