I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
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So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
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Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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