GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
