Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
