At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Randomize
