3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
