Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
