Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
