shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
