A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I am in a vortex of obligation.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
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