my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
