someone get that fucking seahorse.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
