TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
