Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
