worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
