BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
