I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
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