Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
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