Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
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Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
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Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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