I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
