Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
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