You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Randomize