Have you finally orgasmed yet?
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
