he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
