Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
