my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
