if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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